A Strong Burning Desire
Hunger, Passion, and Addiction
Welcome Back, Wednesday Balms
Today we are talking about DESIRE.
What it is in the context of love, how desire is a little like “hunger,” and how passion and addiction can frame the usefulness of something like desire.
Have a read and enjoy.
Today’s Lineup:
Side A - Spark and Desire
Side B - Hunger
Side C - Passion vs Addiction
Side A - Spark and Desire
The Recipe
When were last in the domain of LOVE, we talked about the “recipe” for Love which was Spark, Fuel, and Air (space). Spark is the reaction - it is the spontaneous change that lifts the ordinary into the world of the extraordinary. It’s chemical, it’s reactive, it’s explosive, it’s DIFFERENT. Fuel is what FEEDS the spark.
For something like romantic love, spark can be the “chemistry” between two people. The flirtation, the ooh-la-,a, the feeling of something different. However, relationships don’t survive simply off of spark, there needs to be substance. That’s where dates / dating come into play. As well as stuff like “growing” of the relationship. In this way, “fuel” is kind of like a wisdom component that gets added into the equation. The dating process is ultimately an information gathering process and often times the various dates (or lack there of) are just stress testing the relationship.
And then finally, the whole scenario needs some degree of specified space. You can’t build a bon fire with just a lot of wood and a lot of spark. There needs to be a chimney (and then eventually a fire place). Something that allow the fire itself the room to breathe and maintain the reaction.
Desire
Within this framework, there is this additional nuance that needs to be addressed. Sure the objective recipe lays out the pieces that are needed and the pieces that come together to make the thing - but what drives someone to build that fire in the first place? As well as, once it’s alive, what keeps the fire-keeper(s) attention? That’s where this idea and theme of “desire” comes into play. Someone needs to want to start the fire in the first place. And that’s kind of what desire is.
In some ways it is effort. In other ways it is curiosity. But altogether, it is something that is separate and more intentional than the ingredients that comprise love.
Originally, when we were last in the domain of Love, I thought of that drive toward love as being something that fell into the “fuel” category. The motivation for wanting to pursue and tend to love being related to the process of feeding it. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the element of tending to the fire is something that is separate from the ingredients. It’s an intentionality, but also it’s this thing that exists beyond consciousness.
Love is at times devoid of logic and reason. That’s why so many people run into trouble with it. They try to "logically” think of ways to fix love into their favor. Most depressingly, toward the end of a dying relationship, one (or both) parties may also desperately try to keep the fire alive through any means of Wisdom, but the wisdom always falls short.
Where that loop closes itself is this dual (part conscious and unconscious) element of desire. We can always consciously try to tend to something, but at the end of the day if the WILL and the DESIRE to keep it alive is running low, then the effort is doomed.
Side B - Hunger
When looking at the unconscious side of effort, what I mean by this is desire is kind of like hunger in a way.
Sure, you can mentally tell yourself you’re not hungry, but at the end of the day, you can’t possibly live without food forever.
Similarly for things like love and tending to love, there’s this unconscious element of “hunger” in the form of desire. Your truest self - your heart of hearts KNOWS better than you do. If the heart is hungry for more and there simply isn’t enough sustenance - and if no amount of spark, fuel, and air is able to keep it alive, that could simply be that the heart isn’t hungry for that love anymore.
Will it be hungry again? Who knows. Maybe. Maybe not. But that’s something that is innate within us that is out of our control.
The dreaded “what do you want to eat today?” kind of speaks to this. In modern society there are so many delicious options every where. Yet, without the proper and instinctive desire for those things, those options are as good as worthless.
Ultimately, yes, food is fuel and sometimes you just gotta eat. But on that same notion, there is just this intensely more satisfying experience of satiating a burning desire for *something* specific.
Important Note:
Hunger isn’t always a bad thing. Yes, it is bad to go too hungry for too long. But inevitably “hunger” is just this signal for something. For those that drive - hunger is kind of like that “low-fuel” signal that goes on when the tank is nearing empty. It’s a characteristic of consumption. It is not necessarily a bad thing and it is most certainly an inevitable thing. It is only bad when you need to go someplace and there isn’t enough fuel to take you there.
Hunger is just the yearn for more.
Desire is the yearn for *something*
Side C - Passion vs Addiction
Desire manifest itself as a drive toward whatever it is seeking.
Depending on the objective of desire - it can be a good or a bad thing.
I talked about this before, but I feel this is a better place for the idea.
In my mind, I’ve always found the juxtaposition between “passion” and “addiction” fascinating.
Passion and addiction - from an outside perspective look incredibly similar. A passionate musician choosing to spend hours upon hours a day working on their craft might situationally look like someone that is addicted to improvement.
So what’s the difference?
From what I’ve been able to observe . . .
Passion always leads to a more true, more integrated version of the individual. When people pursue and fulfill their passions, they become better versions of their selves. Professional athletes are a great example of this. Kids that live in kind of sketchy areas that have a high likelihood of turning to crime. Suddenly, they find something they’re good at - like a sport (or MMA) and then suddenly they have discipline and goals and objectives. As they pursue their passion, they clean up their lives.
On the flip side - with things like addiction, it seemingly causes the reverse effect. Addiction severs the self from their external community and ultimately corrodes the spirit. It doesn’t really matter what they’re addicted to, but upon the fulfillment and the pursuit of the addiction, they become less and less like their fully realized selves.
Passion is positively motivated. Addiction is negatively influencing.
And what connects the two is desire.
Both passion and addiction are forms of desire, just with different end goals.